Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
Randomize
