If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
Randomize
