If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
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