I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
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