drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
Randomize
