i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
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