Where are you?
In a non slutty way
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
What changed your mind?
Being sober
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Randomize
