If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize
