Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
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