whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
one word: firstdatebathroomanal
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
Randomize
