matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
