it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
that may or may not have been my penis.
Randomize
