Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Randomize
