Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
Randomize