21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
Randomize
