i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Randomize
