As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
Randomize
