Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
Randomize
