Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
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