We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
lol hangovers are for mortals.
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
Randomize
