jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
Randomize
