He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
Someone signed my nipple.
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