We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Randomize