Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
Randomize
