Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
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