he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
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