remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
Randomize
