let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
you traded sex for a burrito?
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
