I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
Randomize
