dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
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