I like to think it a success when the cops are called
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Randomize
