Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
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