She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
Randomize