i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
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