Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Randomize
