i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
Randomize
