Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
Randomize
