Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Randomize
