Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
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