from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
We are all done wearing pants today
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
Randomize
