He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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