Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
And my parents said I crawled through the house
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Randomize
