he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
