cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
Randomize
