I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
Randomize
