Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize
