then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
Randomize
