apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
Randomize
