he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
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