Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
Randomize
