I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
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