oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
We left the knife in your bed.
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
