I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
I'm gonna fight the coyote
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
Randomize
