Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
Randomize
