Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
Randomize
