John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
Randomize
