I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Randomize
