if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
so much tequila, so little girl.
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
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