Someone shit on the floor
It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
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