its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
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