Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
Randomize
