The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
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