You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
Randomize
