I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
i think my tv is drunk
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
Randomize
