things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
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