3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
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