I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
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