im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
Randomize
